“Think of the solution, not the problem” – Terry Goodkind
You get more of what you focus on.
You know that feeling, when you’re putting one foot in front of the other, but it doesn’t feel like you’re getting anywhere?
When we’re feeling stuck, moving forward can seem impossible. We can only see our problems, and that tunnel vision distracts us from doing something about them.
Often what we don’t see is that the solutions to our problems are within reach, but we have mental blocks holding us back. Fear of failure, self-doubt, and apathy all get in the way and prevent us from grasping them.
This psychological state has a name: Learned Helplessness. You might be familiar with the signs: accepting our lot, giving up, staying in our lane.
Chronic stress compounds this state by creating mental rigidity and tunnel vision—flooding the brain with cortisol. This makes our brains fixate on threats rather than opportunities.
But it doesn’t have to be this way! Each time you catch yourself in that doom spiral and ask, “What can I actually do here?” you’re rewiring your brain to default to solutions instead of problems.
This isn’t about becoming a solution-finding machine overnight—it’s about training your brain to look for exits instead of just staring at walls.
Five Ways to Adopt a More Solutions-Focused Mindset
1. Seeing When You’re Stuck
Keep your antenna out for warning signs. This could be feelings of apathy, hopelessness and lack of motivation. Physiological signs you’re in a stress-rut look like tight shoulders, shallow breathing, tense muscles, and even digestive issues.
The problem here is that we don’t think outside of our own thinking. Basically, you need to see when you’re stuck. This is where other people can be helpful. Objective friends or family can let us know about the things we might not be able to see.
2. Watch Your Words
The stories we tell ourselves can be what holds us back. You know the ones, the kind you’ve been telling yourself for years: “I’ll never…” “I can’t…” “I’ve always been bad at…”
We want to start noticing when these doom and gloom stories become soundtracks we listen to over and over.
It can be helpful to look at where this negativity comes from—childhood bullying, negative parents—but don’t dwell there. What we want here is to change the story.
Repetition builds belief. When you hear yourself playing that same bleak track, find a way to interrupt it: drop money in a swear jar, snap a band on your wrist, write it down. Whatever helps you notice it.
Stop the negative self-talk, and give your brain something better to work with.
3. Know What You Want
Focus on what you can control. Channel that urge to “fix everything” into one concrete action. Support one person. Learn one new skill. Make one phone call that matters. Your brain needs proof that progress is possible.
Also, how you frame your goals is key. Lofty goals like “I want to get my life together” or “I need to stop being so overwhelmed” feel overwhelming. Instead, go smaller and more specific. Maybe you start with organizing one small space each day, or you commit to learning three quick stress-relief techniques.
We want it to feel attainable.
4. Make a Plan (But Keep It Loose)
You need a plan to get you from where you are now to where you want to be, but it needs to be flexible. Let’s face it, life is gonna life sometimes.
When we’re stressed, we create rigid, all-or-nothing plans that actually increase anxiety when things inevitably go sideways. Having a flexible plan gives your brain something to hold onto while building in permission for things to change.
Rigid: “I will exercise for 30 minutes at 6am every day or I’m a failure.”
Flexible: “I’ll aim for 30 minutes of movement most mornings, but if life happens, I can do 10 minutes at lunch.”
5. Take Action, Then Celebrate Your Win
Let’s face it: you won’t feel motivated just by thinking about problems or doom scrolling. You need to take action first—even small action—because your brain needs real evidence that you can handle things.
The key? HOW you think about success:
- Unhelpful: “Thank God that’s over” or “I got lucky” (gives you no credit)
- Helpful: “I handled that well” or “My plan worked” (builds confidence)
If you always attribute your successes to luck or outside help, you’ll keep feeling helplessness. But when you recognize your own role in solving problems, you start believing you can handle future challenges.
Simple formula:
Do something → Notice it worked → Give yourself credit → Feel more confident about the next challenge
Your Next Move
Breaking out of stuck doesn’t happen overnight, but each small solution-focused choice rewires your brain a little more.
Next time you catch yourself spiraling, pause and ask: “What’s one small thing I can actually do about this?”
Remember: look for exits, not walls.
Your future self will thank you.
Ditch Stress 
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