I am no financial guru. I can’t tell you what stock to buy, how to diversify your portfolio, or what a hedge fund actually is…
(If you can explain it to me, that would be great!)
What I am is a person who was under a cloud of debt for over 15 years, who spent more than she made, and felt this crushing fear and stress and anxiety about money for a really long time.
What I can say is that the stress about not having money was almost as bad as being broke. I worried about how I’d pay for things, fretted about “what ifs” like losing my job or a big expense out of nowhere, and I always felt like I was behind on things.
My way out of broke jail was twofold:
I had to change my money habits for sure, but changing my mindset was really the crux of my transformation.
I am happy to say that I now have a different relationship with money and spending, a little nest egg, and WAY more peace of mind.
What did I do? Nothing super crazy or extreme — just steps in the direction of what I wanted.
1. Look Your Money Shame Head-On
(Or at least a sidelong glance)
Being broke is hard — emotionally. And there are some BIG feelings that can arise.
I had a lot of shame around my situation — how it had gotten so bad, what kind of person I was that I would allow this to happen. These only spiraled as time went on.
I had my head in the sand for a long time — it was the only way I could cope with my shame spiral. Looking head-on at both my situation and my feelings really was the first step. Staring at the fear and doubt that swirled around me.
You can’t change what you can’t see.
Seeing my situation clearly meant pulling my head out of the sand.
2. Make Peace with Your Money Past
You can’t undo the past, no matter how hard you try, or how much you know now.
In the past, I would go over my bad decisions again and again — how I’d do better. I’d self-flagellate over all the mistakes, the misjudgements, the overspending.
This only kept me stuck in the past — and unable to move forward.
You can only do what you can do now.
You did the best you could with what you had then.
If you can forgive yourself, you can start to get out of the self-shame loop and do better. The more shame you feel, the more tempted you can become to spend your way out of those bad feelings.
Healing the shame is the first part.
3. Reflect on Your Money Beliefs
I grew up on the low end of the middle class, and we didn’t always have a lot to go around. We didn’t buy extras, we got one new outfit at the beginning of the school year, we shopped at the bargain grocery store.
I grew up with a scarcity mindset — it never seemed like there was enough.
It took me a long time to sift through the lessons I had been taught about money, either explicitly or implicitly.
The messages I heard from my father about how money was scarce, hard to make, that you had to save all you could, that money had to be held onto tightly.
We all get different messages, so yours may be very different from mine.
But what you learned about money as a child will follow you all your life — and if you don’t look at those beliefs, you can’t change them.
I had to start seeing money in a new way.
4. Read Some Money Books
I didn’t know anything about money growing up. We never talked about it — except bemoaning a lack of it.
And I had zero financial literacy. What I did have was a lot of money fear and shame.
It’s so hard to change something when you feel intense shame about it — and I think that was by far the biggest hurdle. I decided I wanted to counteract that shame with knowledge, with understanding.
I like to read, so I started there. I read:
- Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez
- The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey
I needed basic advice and both helped me think of money differently.
They may not be the books for you — but find a way to learn a bit more about money, how it works, and what sound financial decisions might look like. Blogs, podcasts and the like are also a great place to start!
5. Ask Yourself: If Money Walked into the Room, What Would Your Relationship Look Like?
I read this in one of the books I read and it blew my mind.
I knew that if money walked in the door, it would look sultry and tempting… but I wouldn’t even look it in the eye. I’d have a hard time even talking to money, and then our relationship would be rocky and over before I knew it.
So I tried to start seeing it in a new way — as a friend.
How could I treat it differently? What makes a good relationship?
- Spending more time together
- Understanding each other
- Better communication
- Being patient
I could keep it around instead of throwing it away. I could go slow, be more patient.
I could learn about it. So that’s what I did.
6. Have an Emergency Fund
If I could only give one tip, it would be this:
If you want to stress less about money, make sure that you have at least something saved for a rainy day.
This could be $1,000.00 or 3 months of expenses. Just have something.
This reduces so much stress by giving you a cushion — knowledge that there is something there to catch you if you fall.
7. Don’t Spend All the Money
Seems obvious, but my finances and money stress finally changed when I started to put a little away each month.
I started with just $50.00 a month.
The power in this is less in the money that accumulates (though that’s important too!) — and more in the confidence and trust it builds in yourself.
You start to see yourself in a new way — as a person who is beginning to have a better relationship with money.
8. Avoid Extreme Restriction
You’ve probably heard that starvation diets lead to bingeing, overeating, and gaining back more weight than you lost.
Being super restrictive is stressful for the mind and body.
The same goes for money.
Some financial gurus suggest never buying yourself anything when you’re working to get back on track.
I think that’s a mistake.
Doing what you can actually do for the long run is going to be WAY more successful — and less stressful too.
9. Look at Your Emotional Spending
Remember during COVID when we all bought everything?
Stress spending and retail therapy are real — and it can be helpful to look at what’s driving that.
Can you meet those needs elsewhere?
Side note: Don’t buy anything late at night.
There is nothing you need to buy that cannot wait till tomorrow morning.
Also, watch out for the Diderot Effect — that sneaky mindset where buying one new thing (like a couch) suddenly makes you feel like you need a new rug… and curtains… and throw pillows to match.
One purchase can spiral into a whole shopping spree just to “keep up” with the first.
10. Create an Abundance Mindset
I’ll be honest, this is the hardest one for me.
I’ve been working on changing my limiting beliefs about money — and part of that is changing my mindset.
I started with noticing scarcity thoughts like:
“I’m behind”
“There’s not enough”
Then reframing them with possibility:
“There’s always more where that came from — ideas, support, money, time.”
Other things that helped:
- Celebrating tiny wins (yes, even that free coffee counts!)
- Training my brain to look for what’s working
- Surrounding myself with people who think big
- Trusting that there’s more than one path to what I want
- Leaning into gratitude — it’s the catalyst that helps abundance grow
- Seeing that delay is not denial
I won’t say any of these was easy, but they were all worth it.
And it’s important to note:
You need to find ways to manage stress, too.
All the things I write about here — breathwork, meditation, mindfulness, yoga, affirmations, exercise, going outside — are part of it.
Stressing about money makes it worse.
So finding ways to calm your nervous system, shift your thoughts, and support your emotional health — can be one of the most powerful money moves you make.
Breaking free from money stress isn’t just about changing your financial habits—though that’s important. The deeper work happens in your relationship with money, your self-forgiveness, and your beliefs about what’s possible.
My journey from 15 years of debt to financial peace proves that small, consistent steps in the right direction, combined with mindset shifts, can transform your financial reality.
The path isn’t always straightforward, but each step forward builds confidence, security, and eventually, freedom.
Ditch Stress 
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