Ditch Stress

Stress and worry often feel like two sides of the same coin. Stress can kickstart worry, and worry keeps stress alive, turning little concerns into big, looping thoughts. Or sneaky doom spirals. 

Ever catch yourself lying awake at night, replaying a cringe-worthy moment from years ago? Or maybe imagining all the things that could go wrong with tomorrow’s big presentation? You’re not alone—worry has a sneaky way of showing up uninvited and taking over our minds. And it’s exhausting, isn’t it?

Despite our best efforts, the habit of worry can feel automatic, like it’s just part of who we are. Here’s the kicker: most of what we worry about never happens. In fact, according to a study by Dr. Lucas LaFreniere, up to 85% of our worries never come to pass. And of the 15% that do happen, people report handling the outcome better than expected. Think about it: all that worry, for nothing!

Why does our brain cling to worry, even when it’s unproductive? Let’s explore why it’s so persistent, why it’s hard to shake, and how to break free for more peace of mind.

Why Do We Worry?

From an evolutionary view, worry kept our ancestors alert to threats like predators and food shortages—a vital survival tool. It kept them vigilant and prepared for danger. But today, that same worry mechanism is triggered by far less dangerous situations—like getting a late-night email from your boss or wondering if you’ll make it to your appointment on time.

Worry as a False Sense of Control
Worrying seems to trick us into thinking we’re preparing ourselves for the worst. Dr. Susan David, a psychologist and author of Emotional Agility, explains that it gives us a false sense of control, making us believe that by dwelling on every scenario, we’ll be better prepared. It’s like carrying an umbrella when there’s no rain. But instead of solving problems, worry keeps us stuck in a loop without progress.

Why Is Worry Such a Hard Habit to Break?

So, if worrying is ultimately not that helpful, why is it so tough to stop? It comes down to our brain’s wiring and how worry has become a habit loop.

The Habit Loop
Dr. Judson Brewer, a psychiatrist and neuroscientist, explains that worry is a learned behavior that follows the same habit loop as biting your nails or reaching for a snack when you’re stressed. It starts with a trigger (like a negative thought), which leads to the behavior (worrying or overthinking), and ends with a reward (a temporary feeling of control or distraction from the discomfort). This loop becomes a pattern our brains start to follow automatically.

Our brains are designed to seek out rewards and avoid pain. So, even if the reward for worrying is a small, temporary relief from anxiety, it’s still enough to keep us coming back to it. And when we try to break free, it can feel like pulling ourselves out of quicksand—the more we struggle, the deeper we get stuck. This is why telling ourselves, “I should stop worrying” rarely works. It just makes us more focused on what we’re trying to avoid.

The Role of the Brain’s Wiring
The brain’s natural wiring is another reason why worry is such a tough habit to break. Our amygdala—the brain’s fear center—reacts to perceived threats (both real and imagined) by triggering the fight-or-flight response. It then sends signals to the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for decision-making and rational thought) that tell us to pay attention to whatever is making us anxious.

Unfortunately, the more we pay attention to our worries, the stronger this connection becomes. It’s a bit like strengthening a muscle—the more we engage with worry, the more entrenched it becomes in our thought patterns.

Breaking Free: Science-Backed Strategies for Letting Go of Worry

Ready for some good news? While breaking the worry habit is challenging, it’s definitely not impossible. Here are some science-backed strategies to help you loosen worry’s grip and find a bit more peace of mind.

1. Practice Mindfulness-Based Techniques

Mindfulness helps us become more aware of our thoughts. It’s like having a front-row seat to your worries without feeling like you’re part of the show. Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, a pioneer in mindfulness-based stress reduction, found that regularly practicing mindfulness can significantly reduce anxiety and worry.

Try this: The “Name it to Tame it” technique. When a worry pops up, label it for what it is: “Oh, there’s my worry about the meeting,” or “Here’s the ‘What if’ thought again.” This simple act of naming your worries helps create distance and lessens their power over you.

2. Use Cognitive Behavioral Techniques (CBT)

CBT is a powerful tool for breaking the cycle of negative thinking. It works by identifying and challenging the thoughts that fuel your worry. If you’re thinking, “What if I completely mess up this presentation?” a CBT approach would involve examining the evidence for and against that thought.

Try this: Reframe your worry from “I’m going to fail, and it will be a disaster” to “Even if it doesn’t go perfectly, I’ll learn from the experience and handle the situation the best I can.” This shift in perspective can help reduce the intensity of your worry

3. Try Breathing Exercises & Grounding Techniques

When worry gets out of hand, your body often reacts as if there’s a real danger. That’s why taking time to calm your nervous system is essential. Deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and grounding exercises can help re-engage the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the body’s “rest and digest” state.

Try this: The 5-4-3-2-1 technique. Identify:

• 5 things you can see
• 4 things you can touch
• 3 things you can hear
• 2 things you can smell
• 1 thing you can taste

It’s a great way to bring your mind back to the present moment.

4. Schedule Worry Time

Sounds strange, right? But research shows that setting aside a specific time each day to worry can reduce overall worry throughout the day. The idea is to give your brain a set period (say 15 minutes) to worry as much as it wants, and then “close the book” on worrying until the next day.

Try this: Set a timer for 15 minutes, worry about everything you want, then, when the timer goes off, write down a summary and let it go. You’ll likely find it harder to hold on to worries outside your designated “worry time.”

5. Practice Self-Compassion

It’s easy to get caught in a spiral of self-criticism when we’re worried: “I shouldn’t be worrying so much!” But that only adds more pressure. Dr. Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion shows that treating ourselves with kindness when we’re anxious can help break the cycle of worry.

Try this: The next time you catch yourself worrying, put your hand over your heart and gently say, “It’s okay to feel this way; I’m doing my best.” This small act of kindness can help shift your mindset from one of self-criticism to self-support.

6. Challenge the “What If” Mindset

Worry often starts with “What if?” and spirals into worst-case scenarios. Break the cycle by questioning the likelihood of these outcomes.

Try this: When you catch yourself in a “What if?” loop, ask:

• What’s the probability of this happening?
• Have I been in a similar situation before?
• What would I say to a friend with this worry?

Often, when we pause to reflect, we realize that the likelihood of the worst-case scenario playing out is extremely low. This helps put the worry into perspective by examining the evidence.

7. Rewrite Your Worry Story

If you find that certain worries keep showing up, it can be helpful to “rewrite” your worry story. Try turning the narrative around and writing out a version where things work out positively. This isn’t just about being blindly optimistic—it’s about re-training your brain to see possibilities beyond the negative.

Try this:

Write down your most common worry. For example, if you often worry about making mistakes at work, it might look like:
“I’m always scared I’ll mess up a big project, and everyone will think I’m not capable.”
Now, rewrite it from a more balanced perspective:
“Even if I make a mistake, it won’t define my abilities. Everyone makes mistakes, and I’ll handle it with grace, learn from it, and move forward.”

This helps shift your mindset from anxiety to empowerment.

8. Consider the Bigger Picture

Worries often feel overwhelming when we focus too much on the immediate problem. Zooming out and thinking about what really matters can help you gain perspective. Ask yourself: Will this matter in five years? Will I even remember it a year from now?

When we remind ourselves that many of the things we worry about are temporary, it helps lessen their impact.To gain perspective, try future self-visualization. Imagine yourself years from now. Chances are, your future self is smiling gently, shaking their head, and saying, “If only you knew then what I know now—everything turned out just fine.”

9. Try Progressive Muscle Relaxation

When worry takes over, it’s not just our thoughts that get caught in a loop—our bodies get tense, too. Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) is a technique where you systematically tense and then release different muscle groups in the body. This helps reduce the physical tension that builds up during periods of worry.

Here’s a quick version to try:

Sit or lie comfortably. Starting at your toes, tense each muscle for 5 seconds, then release. Move up your body, from calves to neck, to help your mind and body relax.

10. Tap into the Power of Gratitude

Practicing gratitude shifts your focus from worry to what’s going right. Research by Dr. Robert Emmons shows it reduces anxiety and boosts well-being.

Try this: When worry strikes, list three things you’re genuinely grateful for, no matter how small. It could be a good cup of coffee, a sunny day, or a kind word from a friend. This simple practice helps ground you in the present and shifts your mindset.

11. Limit Worry Triggers

While it’s impossible to eliminate all sources of worry, identifying and limiting your worry triggers, like news, social media, or anxious conversations, can reduce anxiety.

Try this:

Take note of your biggest worry triggers. Then, consider setting boundaries around them. Maybe that means limiting your news consumption to once a day or unfollowing anxiety-inducing accounts. Protecting your mental space promotes peace of mind.

12. Lean on Social Support

We’re wired for connection, and sharing our worries with a trusted friend can lighten the load. Dr. Brené Brown emphasizes the power of reaching out, noting that knowing we’re not alone can ease anxiety.

Try this: Next time you’re stuck in a worry spiral, reach out to someone supportive. Say, “I’m really in my head—can you help me talk this through?” It’s about feeling heard, not necessarily finding solutions.

Final Thoughts: Finding Freedom from Worry

Breaking free from the worry habit takes time and practice, but it is possible. It’s important to approach this process with patience and self-compassion. After all, worrying is something that our minds learned to do to protect us—it’s not our fault that we get caught up in it. By incorporating a few of these strategies and being kind to yourself along the way, you can start to create more peace and ease in your daily life.

If you liked this, you might like: Shift Your Perspective, Shift Your Stress: The Mindset Makeover