Ever had a really big, scary goal that got the best of you? Yeah, me too. Ever feel like it’s just hanging around you like an old ghost? This phenomenon can be linked to the Zeigarnik effect, where unfinished tasks linger in our minds and can create mental clutter, leading to feelings of guilt or anxiety when we don’t follow through. This can cause even more stress, which can make us less likely to try for another goal!
Why So Many Goals Fail: The Stress of Unrealistic Expectations
Now if you’ve ever missed out on one of your goals remember, you are not alone! Research indicates that around 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail by February, often due to a lack of motivation, unrealistic expectations, or overwhelming stress.
Many people start the new year with excitement and determination, setting ambitious goals like losing weight, exercising regularly, or saving money. However, as the initial enthusiasm fades, the reality of these goals can become daunting. Many may find that the effort required to maintain a new exercise routine is more challenging than anticipated, leading to frustration and a sense of defeat.
The Reality of Hard Work: No Training Montage Here
In a fantastic article called “How ‘The Karate Kid’ Ruined The Modern World”, David Wong talks about how the media has skewed our sense of how hard some goals are to achieve. Seeing something like a sports training montage (and don’t get me wrong, I fluffing love a good sports training montage, I cry at every boxing montage I see) gives us the idea that in a relatively short period of time we can go from being very bad at something, then practice a bit (to upbeat music) then when it’s done, we’re an expert.
We end up with something like sticker shock, but with effort. It’s Effort Shock. We set up our goals with a vague idea of how much a goal will “cost” to say lose weight, succeed at work or start a side hustle, but sadly that vague idea tends to be tragically misguided.
The truth is that accomplishing worthwhile things isn’t just a little bit harder than people think, it’s like 10-20 times harder. It’s so challenging to stick to a restrictive diet for months and months on end, and you can pretty much derail most of your progress in one weekend food bender.
This means that most people bail on diets, and goals in general. Not because they are harder than expected, but that they are SO much harder that it seems outrageously unjust. The stress of the mass effort involved in reaching our dreams can just pile on and make us give up. Sadly, life is not like the training montage of five breezy minutes from sucking to be amazing.
This disconnect between expected and actual effort can be a significant source of stress, often paralyzing us and making it difficult to take even the smallest steps toward our aspirations. While some pressure can drive us forward, overwhelming stress, especially when coupled with effort shock, can derail our fitness goals, hinder career advancement, or impede personal growth.
Feeling defeated often stems from unmet expectations or failures, which can lead to emotions such as frustration, disappointment, or sadness. These emotions activate the body’s stress response system, releasing hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.
Stress and Unrealistic Goals: The Perfect Recipe for Burnout
While a certain level of stress can motivate us to meet deadlines and push through challenges, excessive stress often leads to distractions, decreased motivation, and even burnout.
Unrealistic goals and excessive stress often go hand-in-hand. High expectations without a clear plan create anxiety and burnout. When we expect immediate results or fail to account for the effort needed, we set ourselves up for disappointment. This cycle of stress leads many to abandon their goals, feeling defeated and demotivated.
Turning Stress Into Success: Actionable Steps for Big Goals
To combat this trend, it’s essential to set realistic goals, break them into manageable steps, and celebrate small victories along the way. By acknowledging that setbacks are a natural part of the process, we can maintain motivation and resilience in pursuit of personal growth.
I am a dreamer by nature, I love to think big! When I was young, I was much more of a dreamer and not so much a doer, but I learned to love the doing. I now like to tackle big goals, like running a marathon (and several half marathons), training for a charity boxing competition, reading a minimum of 52 books a year, and most recently, starting a side hustle!
Here I want to share with you the actionable steps I use to get ahead of the stress that choosing and following through on big goals can create. I want you to succeed at what you set out to do, and we don’t want stress keeping you from achieving all of your dazzling potential!
Atomic Habits: What small habits teach us about big goals
I’ll be the first to admit, it always bothers me when someone says “If I can do it, so can you”, and I don’t believe that’s really true in all situations. But what I do believe is that with the right goal, and the right systems, you can give stress and one two punch before it gets you off track so you can keep crushing those goals. I believe in you!
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard of Atomic Habits, and for good reason—this stuff is gold! So what can we learn to help bust stress and achieve world domination? It starts with mindset.
Clear explains that seeing yourself as a person who does the thing (e.g., a runner) is key. Instead of outcome-based goals, he suggests identity-based habits, focusing on who you want to become rather than what you want to achieve.
Clear also emphasizes the power of getting 1% better each day. Small, consistent improvements lead to big growth over time. We often overestimate what we can do short-term and underestimate long-term progress.
To stay consistent, he recommends tracking progress and the “never miss twice” rule: if you skip a day, get back on track immediately. A habit tracker can boost motivation and help avoid burnout by focusing on enjoying the process, not just the end goal.
Navy SEALs: What we can learn from some of the toughest people out there
Navy SEALs are known for their mental toughness and resilience, and they often use specific mantras and philosophies to guide their actions and mindset. Let’s explore the three concepts:
“Slow is smooth, smooth is fast”
One mantra that’s stuck with me is: “Slow is smooth, smooth is fast.” I’ve always been a fast mover, wanting to excel quickly. But when it comes to goals, rushing often leads to burnout and stress. By adopting a more measured, deliberate approach, I’ve realized that working slowly and steadily actually leads to better results. Focusing on executing each step properly reduces errors and helps me reach my goals faster in the long run.
“Embrace the suck”
This phrase encourages me to accept and even welcome difficult, uncomfortable situations as opportunities for growth and improvement. Now, I’m not saying this is easy. It’s definitely a mindset shift. Rather than complaining about challenging circumstances, I try to view hardships as chances to build resilience and character.
“Control what you can control”
This one is definitely one I’m working on! This principle focuses on directing energy and attention towards factors within one’s influence, rather than worrying about external circumstances beyond personal control.
Mastering Your Mindset: The Science of Behavior Change
In The Power of One More, Ed Mylett stresses the importance of focusing on what we can control to achieve our goals. It’s easy to dwell on what’s going wrong, but I’ve learned to concentrate on what I can influence, like showing up. His message encourages us to make one more intentional choice or take one more action, focusing on small, manageable steps instead of overwhelming challenges. By letting go of what’s beyond our control, we reduce anxiety and maintain clarity in high-stress situations.
Find your why – Behaviour modification
As an ACE-certified personal trainer, I’ve learned that behavior change starts with understanding where we are in the process—whether it’s precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, or maintenance. To get started, evaluate how ready you are for change by asking yourself where you fall on a scale of 1-10. This helps you identify your motivation and create a plan. Knowing your “why” is crucial—it can keep you going through challenges and stress. A solid, emotional reason for your goal will help you stay committed and power through obstacles.
Make it fun
A good goal should have some fun built in, even if you have to add it yourself. Making the process enjoyable—by gamifying tasks, adding creative elements, or celebrating small wins—boosts motivation and reduces stress. This playful approach shifts focus from the pressure of the outcome to enjoying the journey, helping build resilience and maintain momentum toward your goals.
And here’s the kicker—when you’re having fun, it’s much easier to stay consistent over the long haul. That’s where breaking things down into smaller steps comes into play.
Take it one day at a time
Though this is the AA mantra, it can be a powerful approach for tackling big goals. By focusing on small, manageable daily tasks, you avoid feeling overwhelmed and stay present. This method helps you celebrate small wins, boosting confidence and motivation. Taking things step by step fosters mindfulness and makes progress more sustainable.
Growth mindset
A growth mindset is the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort, learning, and persistence, unlike a fixed mindset that sees these traits as unchangeable. Embracing a growth mindset reduces the fear of failure by viewing challenges as opportunities to learn. This shift allows setbacks to become valuable lessons rather than judgments on our abilities.
To develop a growth mindset in everyday life, try:
- Embracing challenges instead of avoiding them
- Viewing effort as the path to mastery
- Learning from criticism rather than ignoring it
- Finding lessons and inspiration in others’ success
- Using the word “yet” when facing difficulties (e.g., “I don’t understand this YET”)
By cultivating these habits, we can foster resilience, improve learning, and approach life’s challenges with greater confidence and curiosity.
Build Yourself Up
Addressing stress and managing our expectations about the effort required for success is essential not only for our mental health but also for our long-term achievement in both personal and professional realms. A holistic approach to goal-setting that prioritizes mental well-being and acknowledges the true effort needed allows us to pursue our ambitions sustainably
And remember: The ultimate goal of building good habits is to improve your life, not make it worse. Overloading yourself with too many promises and failing to keep them can lead to burnout and guilt. It’s okay to adjust when things aren’t working—re-evaluate your habits, learn from the experience, and make changes without self-blame. Progress is about balance, not perfection.
And if you need some inspiration for achieving a big goal, look no further. Go Frannie Go!
You got this! If you have any tips on how you’ve overcome stress on the road to achieving your goals I’d love to hear about it!
Ditch Stress 
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